Here goes my rant. Not really a rant, just things swimming around my head that I need to get out before going crazy. Enjoy: (PS - before getting angry, think of my perspective. thanks)
I've been home for summer break since Thursday, and ever since then, I've been thinking too much for my own good. I have high hopes for this summer. I want to go to a bunch of different places, and I want to make a crap ton of new friends. I think it'll happen, but I don't want to wait for it. I don't want to be in a relationship at this point in time; it scares me. I'm starting to get older, I'm graduating from college in two years. I don't have a boyfriend, and I don't want one. Isn't college where you're supposed to find the person you're going to marry? Ek. Don't like that word. Still. I haven't found anyone even remotely close to what I'm supposed to be looking for. It's just been a successful string of failures my entire life. I'm starting to lose hope.
There has been a couple of things bothering me, but I'm a little hesitant to write it out because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I just feel that it needs to be said. Whatever, it's not like the person (people) I'm talking about even read this. I feel like first impressions are the ones that matter most. If that's the case, why are people so mean when I first meet them? Granted, you may genuinely be a fantastic person, but you're not acting like it. I just don't understand how people can come off so rude and inconsiderate to people they've never met before. I try to be myself to whoever I meet. This has started to become a problem, too, I guess. My best friend says I'm a boy-crazy flirt. The boy crazy part, is right. I like the male species, I like the way the look, talk, dress, smell - what girl my age doesn't? Anyway, the flirt part kinda gets under my skin. I'm a nice girl. It's who I am. I will not bitch you out, and I will not yell at you (unless you're asking for it). I like to make sure everybody I come in contact with leaves with a smile on their face. Is that a bad thing? Apparently, it is. I know, I've had my share of mistakes in the past, but I'm not sleeping with everybody like some girls I know. I'm just a girl who likes to talk, who likes to help people, and who likes to make friends. I turn guys down in a nice way, but it's still considered flirting? I don't get it. I'm probably going to get hell for this, but quite frankly, I don't care anymore. I'm a nice girl. I send smiles a lot. I do the same thing with girls that I do with guys. I just don't get how sending a smile through one lousy text message is leading someone on.
I don't know, I'm ranting, and I felt like letting everyone know why I've been so quiet and distant lately, I guess. Sometimes, I just don't feel appreciated. I know, I have people who thank me up and down for helping them go through rough times, but that's not what I'm talking about. I just feel that, lately, just the simplest remarks can tear my heart in two. I'm emotionally unstable right now, and I honestly think I hide it very well. It's not going to change anytime soon, just thought I'd throw it out there.
Well, I'm posting, and hoping I don't get an angry text or remark within the next 24 hours. I won't be able to handle it, and may very well break-down.
